AKOW: a strange fanfic I’m proud of and treat like one of my serious WIPs

It’s a thing, okay? If you don’t know who these people are… look it up.


“Truth or dare,” Poe asks, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. Finn digs through the bowl of skittles for the purples.

Rey will not be a coward. “Truth.” Everyone knows truths are more brutal than dares. Blackmail is obtained through truths. Embarrassing secrets are spilled through truths. You do not mess with the truths.

“You sure?”

“Bring it on.”

Poe lapses into silent giggles for a moment before gasping, “Is it true you wrote fanfiction shipping Dr. Amidala and Mr Skywalker and posted it somewhere?”

Rey blushes. “Yes, I did.”

“What was it about? Can I read it?” Poe leans forward on his blanket blob, a bit too earnest.

“Absolutely not. It basically went like this: Dr Amidala and Mr Skywalker are cool and are doing war stuff. But it’s forbidden love! Dr Amidala didn’t really like Mr Skywalker at first, but then he became a mass murderer. Things heated up. They kissed before fighting a bunch of people. It’s super romantic.”

“Wait- Dr Amidala and Mr Skywalker got together after he killed people?”

“It’s romantic, okay! I got thousands of likes!”

Poe and Finn aren’t convinced. 

“Fine. Well… Poe. truth or dare.”

“Dare. Dare. Dare.”

“I dare you to run over to Kylo’s house, wear that Jar Jar mask you got custom made, and knock on his window.”

“No way! I don’t want to be murdered!”

“Then tell me about Patricia from two months ago.”

“Fine. I’ll do it. Be right back.”

… 

“This is the best emote in the game,” Jacob Black insists, his avatar aggressively doing the Rick Astley dance. “Never gonna give it up, yo.”

“How did I miss that shot?!” Babu Frik complains, tapping at his controller.

“I am a failure,” Nute Gunray groans. “Wait, is that you?” He’s immediately shot. His avatar crawls pathetically on the ground. “That’s not you, bro?” He dies. “I guess not.”

“Ahhhh, AHHHHHHHH!!! Oh my gosh! I hate this game! Dang man! I was so close!” Babu sighs. “Aight, I’m done. Priscilla’s calling me.”

“Simp,” Jacob Black scowls.

“Ugly, pimple faced jerk.” Babu opens his hologram call, where a porg greets him happily.

“Let’s do another run, Nute. Nute?”

Nute glances up. “Huh, sorry?”

“Another game?” Jacob Black asks.

“Yeah, sure.”

He tries focusing on the game, but it’s not going well. All he can think of is her. Rey. Her. Her sense of humor. Her love for Finding Dory and The Ellen Show. Her face. Everything. 

Stepping into the game, his video-game persona almost immediately is shot and killed.

Rey still hovers at the forefront of his mind. A small smile slips onto his face.

“Oh no, not you too!” Jacob Black groans.

“What?”

“First Babu and now you?”

WHAT?

“You’re in love, Nute. I can tell.”

“I am?”

“Man this sucks!”

“I’m sorry?”

“No offense. It’s just… okay.” Jacob Black sighs and sets down the controller. “I just get a bit antsy and worried when someone gets in a relationship. A while ago, I was in a relationship with this girl, and it didn’t end very well. She promised me her unborn vampire child for my wife or something? It just… there were so many red flags and I didn’t see them. And I’m just worried… that you and Babu will get hurt too.”

“I’m not in love,” Nute insists. He’s not in love with Rey, is he? That’s ridiculous! Isn’t it? Wait no, it makes perfect sense. He needs to stop kidding himself. He’s head-over-heels in love with her. “Wait no I am.”

Jacob Black, resignation in his eyes, leans forward. “Be careful, Nute.”

And then Nute joins Jacob Black in losing every match.

Poe strains on the edge of the couch, watching the TV as the girl who ruined her relationship with the guy ‘forever’ attempts to apologize. Finn hides behind the quilt. Rey just rolls her eyes. This is so dramatic

“FLINT, YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER,” Poe screams. “LEAVE HER! LEAVE HER! LEAVE HER!”

Finn sobs into his knees.

Rey just wishes there was more combat.

She leans back and shoves another handful of flaming hot cheetos into her mouth and thinks of Kylo’s face when he saw Poe as Jar Jar. Luckily she got it all on camera.

But then her mind does a strange thing and cuts to Nute. What? 

Do I like Nute, it asks.

He’s cool, yeah.

Noooo, it insists. DO. YOU. LIKE. NUTE.

Uhhhh…. Rey swallows. The onscreen couple kiss. Poe and Finn jump up and down, hugging each other, tears streaming down their faces. No comment.

That doesn’t work on me. I’m you. And I say you do.

“No I don’t,” Rey mumbles. Poe and Finn are too busy composing themselves to notice. But then her mind, a literal hutt burger, relays all the times she thought he was nice, respectful, or attractive. Wow thanks.

This sucks. This really sucks. She fell for a guy she barely knows. A guy who probably just thinks she’s weird and too popular to be seen with him. Even though they hang out everyday. But still.

Why have you gotta do this to me, me?

Stop living a lie, me, her brain mocks.

“Fine. I like him. Leave me alone.”

Poe and Finn stare at her, confused. “What?”

“Oh. Nothing…”

“Ahuh.”

“Shut up. Do you want to get some ice cream?”

“HECK YEAH!” Poe expostulates, already stumbling half-way down the stairs. 

Finn lags behind. “You like who?” He’s not smirking. He’s genuinely curious. I guess I can tell him.

“I like Nute.” Immediately a weight she didn’t know existed lifts off her chest.

Finn’s eyes widen slightly. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. That’s great!”

“Really?”

“Of course!”

“You don’t think it’s weird? Y’know, me being me and him being him?”

“Nahhh, of course not!” Finn burritos the blanket around him. “Let’s get ice cream.” 

She nods and follows him downstairs. 


I KNOW IT’S WEIRD BUT ALSO I’M PROUD OF THIS I HAVE SO MANY PLANS WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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