AKOW: that essay I got 4th place for

So yeah here’s my essay I told y’all about.

I believe every word of this but if you don’t, can we just agree to disagree?? THIS ISN’T TWITTER, OKAY? Anyway yes enjoy!

(also there are probably some typos and stuff I wrote this in two hours running on almost no sleep)

PROMPT: what is something you’re tired of other telling you?


The one thing I am tired of people telling me is “I’m a Christian.” Before you crumple up my essay, let me explain. I am not opposed to Christianity- in fact, I would consider myself to be in a serious relationship with God. When I say “Christian,” in this case, I am referring to a “fan of God” as Kyle Idleman, author of Not a Fan, describes it- someone who views God as a one-way ticket to heaven. Such people do not successfully incorporate Biblical principles into their life and continue on a path of sin- not recognizing the error in their ways. When I say I am tired of people saying, “I’m a Christian,” I mean that I’m tired of people who cherish biblical truths but don’t live by them.  

A big problem in modern Christian society is hypocrisy. A pastor may preach that lust is wrong just to turn around to flirt with a woman who is not his wife. A well-respected sunday school teacher may say infidelity is wrong, but is dating a married man. A youth leader may instruct his students to build each other up, but secretly stereotypes children based on their home lives. Hypocrisy is described as “the phenomenon when one preaches or promotes one thing, only to live contrary to those beliefs.” Jesus is shown throughout the New Testament shaming the Pharisees of hypocrisy. Of course, no one is perfect. I have done things I told others not to do. Hypocrisy becomes a problem when it is “rationalized” and when one does not see error in their ways. The pastor may try to rationalize his sin by explaining, “Oh, nothing happened.” The sunday school teacher may justify her relationship saying, “Oh, he’s getting divorced soon.” The youth leader states, “I’m not judging- it’s true!” They do not remorse in their sin, therefore, it is hypocrisy.

A vital component in the Christian lifestyle is “unconditional love.” Jesus modeled this by forgiving an adulteress, praying for his executors, and granting everyone the opportunity for repentance and a relationship with him. Yet, Christians nowadays will disown an unmarried, pregnant daughter. They will abuse and torment those married to an individual of the same gender. They racially discriminate against those with different features. They will riot against anything that offends them, rather than speaking the truth in love and sharing the Gospel like God commanded. Jesus is about unconditional love and second chances. This is proved when Jesus told the mob holding the adulteress, “Ye who is without sin throw the first stone.” We must recognize that we are all sinners- whether we murdered dozens of schoolchildren or we told a “little white lie” -because it sets us apart from God, leaving us shamed and weak. The only way we can live is to repent and pursue a relationship with our saviour Jesus Christ.

Nowadays, the media portrays Christians as a “hateful, racist, homophobic group of hypocrites.” Unfortunately, in some cases, that’s true, and few are willing to address it. Our church is struggling, and if we do not acknowledge the problems within our numbers, how can we expect to address the issues of the world? As God once said, “To take the speck out of your brother’s eye, you must first remove the plank from your own.” Instead of revolting against the newest Disney movie for an unagreeable comment, once should check themselves and pray. Our ultimate mission is to evangelize the world so that they may experience the pleasures of eternal life. Why would anyone listen to one who yells about the world’s sin and how they will burn in hell if they do not adjust their ways? These people turn Christianity into a religion of unreachable standards and strict rules. The Spanish conquistadors of the mid 1400s tried this approach with the natives. “Convert to Christ or watch us brutally rape, torture, and murder your tribe, all in the name of Christ!” One cannot just force their beliefs on others and expect their relationship with God to be strong and full of love. It cannot be faked or forced: it must grow, but we must first plant the seed. 

For the reasons of hypocrisy, conditioned love, and an attitude resistant to love, I am tired of having people pretend the church’s relationship with God is infallible, strong, and healthy. Today’s generation of Christians must work together to restore God’s principles so that we may be ready to return our nation back to God’s leadership. The church needs to mend their relationship with God before tackling the challenges of the world and promote to the lost God’s true, eternal, and unconditional love.

AND NOW FOR THE JUDGE’S NOTES! (hahahhhh I might rant a bit but it’s fine)


  • (effectiveness) 24- empathic- almost dogmatic- writer’s offense at other’s behavior comes across clearly
  • (originality) 8- explains terms but does not always clearly distinguish between some ideas
  • (form) 8- some generalizations and unfounded assumptions; more preaching than reflecting
  • (vividness) 8 – specific (yet perhaps exaggerated?) examples convey writer’s points
  • (language) 8- some repeated sentence structures for rhetorical effect; strong nouns and verbs (proved)
  • (audience) 7- focused on other rather than on writer- unusual for a “personal” essay

I did not generalize. I clearly explained that nOt eVerYoNe’S lIkE this but also, yes, everyone’s like this, cause we all make mistakes and do bad things. OKAY? I clearly showed both sides. (I think) AND THERE ARE NO UNFOUNDED ASSUMPTIONS? DID I ASSUME??? I’m 99.999% sure I didn’t assume anything. ALSO I did not exaggerate any examples. EVERY EXAMPLE I USED WAS FROM PERSONAL (hah, see? Personal) EXPERIENCE. Except the conquistador thing but I LEARNED ABOUT THAT IN HISTORY CLASS. I mean I was technically preaching I guEsS BUT I could do the same thing about cat shaped boats! So what’s your point, L. SCOTT? And yes, I focused on others, but I did so with my personal opinon and can you say this was not personal? I answered the prompt, and I did my thing, and it is… a…. personal… essay…


  • (additional comments) I agree with a lot of this. A slightly different tone, however, would’ve felt more effective. How can you express the same opinions and make word choices that feel more neutral?

Okay, I just have to say, that my opinions are personal and why the heck would I make my opinions NEUTRAL?? Making what you believe acceptable for everyone makes it not an opinion anymore.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHAT ABOUT THE JUDGES? ANYTHING TO SAY? DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? (if you disagree please say so politely if at all possible)

21 thoughts on “AKOW: that essay I got 4th place for

  1. Aria says:

    I’m not Christian, but I agree with some of this. I agree that beliefs cannot be forced on someone; religious or political or another belief.
    Although I do not agree with all of this, I think that it’s really well written, so great job!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Alexia says:

    I think that your essay touches on a lot of things that many people view as taboo, simply because they don’t want to address it🤷‍♀️I agree with everything you said, and while no one can come across as neutral when expressing their own opinions, I still feel like you wrote it in a way isn’t aggressive, but rather you’re stating things that are true. All in all, I think it’s a great essay!🤗💛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Aditi says:

    This was incredibly well-written! I personally disagree with the sentence about whether you shot a dozen children or told a small white lie we’re all sinners- because I strongly believe that mistakes and crimes are not all weighed equally! And about the media’s rep of Christians- I agree that of course not everyone is discriminatory but I actually never see anything anti-Christian in it? I mean, the people who write it are most likely Christian too XD and many politicians are Christians as well.
    As for the judges’ comments, I think it’s BS!! Where even are the generalizations?! And IT’S LITERALLY A OPINION PIECE?!?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beck @ SMELLFOY CAN READ says:

      THANK YOU SO MUCH! I do believe mistakes and crimes aren’t weighed equally- what I was saying was a “white” lie (on purpose) and murdering children (also on purpose) both are equally wrong.
      There’s not really anything “anti-christian” but I don’t believe most politicans are true followers of God (but I can’t know for sure, obviously- that’s between them and God). There are also just things that don’t line up with Christian values and people get reeeaaalllllyyy upset about it sometimes (like, c’mon bro. If I was offended by people I disagreed with I would hate everyone)
      BUt there’s this thing called PureFlix and it is the legitimately worst thing to call itself christian in history (slight exaggeration but ok) LIKE SERIOUSLY CHRISTIANS ARE NOT LIKE THE ONES AT PUREFLIX ITS SOOOO BADDDD ughgghgrhuiheiunkhygyuk my friend and I rant about this service a LOT. Tbh there’s not good Christian representation in books and movies and stuff- the “Christian” novels are full of Mary Sues (ughhh ewwww) and Christians in other books are usually seen as hateful. (and hahahahha the Christian movies… DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED.) (pureflix streams a LOT of christian movies and EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW)
      Hahah thank you! Yeah I don’t really understand what they meant by that??!
      May the force be with you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Aditi says:

        I think they’re not equally wrong because ,,, you know, murdering someone isn’t the same amount of ‘wrong’ as lying to your parents that you’re doing homework when you’re actually blogging or whatever.
        I agree about that- most politicians aren’t true followers of God tbh and that’s absolutely true. I don’t know a thing about Pureflix so idek what to say?? lol but I’ve also never read a Christian book just because they… kind of aggravate me? It just bothers me that, yes, there’s the white Mary Sue who goes to live on a farm with her aunt or something? As you can see I’m not well-versed in Christian fiction XD. And nowadays I get extremely frustrated when there’s just a random book that’s *completely* average (objectively!!) that gets hype and all the characters are white Mary Sue girls ahhgh.
        May the force be with you too!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. xoxlucy says:

    Ahh, thank you for addressing this!! Many people try to avoid talking about this but it’s important to make the church better and stronger. ( sorry beforehand, I’m going on a mini rant on my own)
    I agree, I dislike when people view the church as homophobic and hypocritical . Yes some Christians are but, not all of them are so it should not represent the entire church. I think the Christain church is often judged and people don’t take time to dig in to see the core Christain’s values. The values which you beautifully addressed in you essay. Jesus spread a message of love and would therefore accept everybody. Jesus made friends with the tax collectors who were hated in society.
    Yes, the Church should always work to return to those principle but I think it’s important to remember the church is slow to change. We can’t expect change to come rapidly but must all work together to bring that change. Okay sorry for that but thanks for writing and sharing 💕❤️😂

    Liked by 1 person

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